Thinking Straight
by Cezille07
Summary: It's time to decide who you are, and who you want to be with...


**Thinking Straight**

_Cezille07_

Disclaimer: Once again, I do not own anything in this story but the plot. "I Kissed a Girl" was written by Lukasz Gottwald, Max Martin and Katy Perry, and was performed by Katy Perry. Okay? Enjoy reading and please leave a review!

* * *

I don't know how it happened, okay? Just please, don't blame me like I was the only person in the world who's done that. I didn't plan it anyway, but I swear, it was one of the best and probably most confusing events that happened in my entire life.

And get this, this song on the radio, it's really _meant_ for me. See?

_I kissed a girl and I liked it  
The taste of her cherry Chapstick  
I kissed a girl just to try it  
I hope my boyfriend don't mind it  
It felt so wrong, it felt so right  
Don't mean I'm in love tonight  
I kissed a girl and I liked it  
I liked it_

Isn't it amazing? How could someone have written that song meant for someone, but meant it for _me_ too?

Before you jump to any hasty conclusion, fine, fine, I'll tell you what happened.

* * *

I was just sitting there at the bar, waiting for my beloved boyfriend, of course. I was sipping champagne on the corner of the counter, where we usually met. But there was this _girl_, this girl I know I've seen somewhere before. I knew instinctively that I hated her, I hated her with my entire being before. I remembered it, then: she was nosy and annoying. I hated her ever since—but not now.

There was just some way that she attracted my eyes toward her stately figure, her unassuming, ladylike laughter. Ugh, I hated this! How could I be thinking like this?! My boyfriend should arrive any moment by now, and if he caught me even _thinking_ about this, I'd be forever damned.

But still, but still, I couldn't help myself. She probably didn't recognize me anymore (at least, not more than I recognized her). I approached her giggling girlfriends and sat next to her.

"Hey," she said, smiling at me. "Do I know you?"

"Maybe," I replied, blushing. I felt sweaty, like I wanted to run away. This feeling was impossible, but something inside me couldn't get off the comfortable chair.

"I think we went to school together," she mentioned, sipping martini from a tall wine glass. Her friends chuckled, perhaps at my clumsiness—my own glass fell to the floor and shattered.

"Sorry," I whispered meekly as I bent to pick up the pieces.

"You're funny."

She looked at me. I shuddered inside out at the way her eyes froze me. I was falling in love!

_No_, my mind contradicted instantly. _If your boyfriend finds out, if he ever finds out!_

_But no_, my heart fought back in a childish whim. _I like her now, I like her a lot._

She smiled again.

Arrgh, this was impossible! I can never escape this twisted emotion now.

"Let's go and dance," she suggested. Throngs of people were wildly shaking their thing on the dance floor. I didn't want to be among them, I wanted quiet time with this odd but lovely girl.

"I don't feel like dancing," I lied. Also, I was a terrible dancer, and I didn't want to humiliate myself in front of all those people, especially not in front of her.

"Come on girls, let's go!" she told her friends. They were gone faster than a blink of an eye.

I sighed. I was miserable. This girl, I lost my chance to be with her because of my two left feet. I watched her graceful movements so different from the mass of other random dancers. She was perfect, and beautiful.

_No_, my mind said again, _your boyfriend! Don't you love him?_

Well, technically, I do love him because he is my first, and I want him to be my last. I've never come across anyone so sweet and passionate, so loyal and understanding, and I believe I never will find another man like him again. I love him, too much, at times, but too much is better than to betray him.

_Then why are you doing this?!_

I honestly...don't know. She just...pulls me, attracts me like a flower is to water, like a child to his mother. And so much more. I don't want to think about my boyfriend right now. It's just weird, but now all I want to think about is her.

* * *

And there! That's how we met. After her friends eventually vanished with their own partners; some of the men they took were so..._hot_, I envied them, but I wanted more to stay with this girl. We walked around the block for a while, window shopping. The night became deeper, darker. I had this strong urge to find a hotel and sleep right away, but not before we did..._that_. Y'know, it was really weird. I know we were the same, but it just felt like the right thing to do.

I asked her about it, but she declined. Well, just my luck. She explained she wanted to be married before she ever did _that_, so I let the idea go. If that was what she wanted, then it will be my choice as well. We were young anyway. If she changed her mind, I'd be available.

Then my brain bothered me again. _Available? You wanted to marry your boyfriend, didn't you? After everything he's done for you, you give him this?!_ Well sorry to disappoint you, brain, but my heart's thinking for itself now. I like this girl, no matter what anyone, even my own mind, says.

We ended up buying coffee in one of those cafes that stayed late for call center agents. A few others lingered for their drink; I figured the others might still be on their shift. But it was all the better. Just me, this girl, and a number of anonymous people who wouldn't make a difference.

She was quiet then. I noted the sadness in her, and tried not to disturb her thoughts. She was also pretty this way, even if an obvious heaviness hung over her. I felt so distant, in that moment. I couldn't help her if I wanted to. Finally, she broke the silence.

"I have something to tell you," she said, looking me in the eyes. She grasped for my hand and squeezed it. I squeezed back. I want her to know I'm here for her, whatever she was going to tell me.

"I'm listening," I answered softly.

She sighed. "I think I like you."

My jaw dropped open.

"I think...you're special, and you care a lot about me. I like you a lot," she went on.

Meanwhile my heart was beating like a power drill.

She smiled sadly. "I've been looking for so long, for someone like you. I hope we can make this last."

"Don't tell me you think this is a one night stand!" I said, trying to control my anger, until finally I yelled, "I like you too!"

"Oh you do?" She stood up and went over to me, and tried to hug me. No, I stopped her, and locked her lips with mine.

* * *

My deserted boyfriend had been waiting for two hours already, he had been calling me for that whole time (but I swear I didn't hear it!). He reportedly pushed over a waiter carrying a tray of wine, who called the police...who came in time for nothing. My boyfriend left behind a totally trashed bar and a lot of confused and severely beaten up people.

But I didn't know that yet. I was only too happy to have found this girl to loved, and who loved me. I kissed her, and we kissed for so long I couldn't remember the time we left that place. It was swarming with call center agents. My guess was at midnight, but it may have been later.

The girl gave me her cellphone number, and she went home by herself. She may have work to do, so I promised to call her by this evening. I, on the other hand, am jobless for the moment. I have lived off my boyfriend's salary all the time we were together. Two years, I think? Or longer. I don't know. It doesn't matter now. Oh goodness, cheating makes me feel so exhilarated inside. But I don't want to think that. She's just a girl! My boyfriend and I, we're steady, so this girl that I love now will barely make a difference.

Or maybe I'm just confused. I'll sleep it away and when I wake up, I'll see how much I want to call this girl again.

* * *

What time is it? God, afternoon already? I did doze off...too deeply. I haven't slept like this in ages. I'm usually in front of my laptop chatting with my boyfriend, or posting nude pictures of him on my website. Now, all I am is a really confused little person. This girl or my beloved boyfriend?

To my horror, I was faced with this harsh question I never dreamed of ever trying to answer. _Am I straight or what?_

I...don't know! Just now, I feel so dizzy and shaken. I can't even think straight. _Straight or what?_ NO! Leave me alone! I don't want to answer! I love my boyfriend, but this girl, this girl is messing up my picture-perfect life! She's ruining everything! I hate her, I hate her more than ever! I wish I never saw her last night, wish we never kissed. How could I even think I wanted to do _that_ with her? How could I even think of cheating on my boyfriend for someone I used to hate? Now I _will_ hate her for the rest of my life, that wretched bitch who's changed everything! Ruined everything!

I was so upset I hadn't heard the front door open.

My boyfriend! He was home! I ran to the bathroom to fix myself, look as poker-faced as possible, if not sweet.

But alas, he found me washing my face. My eyes were still red, and rather horrified as it met with his.

"Hi honey, how's my beloved doing?" he said, a bouquet in hand and a beautiful smile on his face. I couldn't reply. I wanted to collapse and die, if only to escape this moment. Perhaps he saw that, and came inside and kissed me.

"No!" I screamed, breaking away. These lips had kissed someone else, a _girl_! I kissed a girl and now he was kissing me! I couldn't take it, even for me this was too much betrayal.

"What's wrong?" he asked. He always knew when something was troubling me. For an instant I thought he was going to leave, but I was wrong. He smiled gently. Slowly, he began to take off my clothes. I responded by reaching for his zipper and undoing it. I felt a dark comfort in what we were doing. He didn't have to know. He'll make everything alright once we get in bed. And I, I'll forget about that damned girl.

Then midway into removing my shirt, he stopped.

"What's this?" he asked, and pointed to my chest.

I beheld the curly writing in red lipstick. And suppressed a curse.

Teddy looked at me in disbelief. "Zick, who owns that cellphone number?"

**** THE END ****


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